Interference – from friends & family

When you are in a relationship, who do you go to for relationship advice?

Most people go to their friends and family as their first point of call and that’s not necessarily a bad thing BUT it can be…

The most important questions to ask are:

  • Do your friends/family know your partner like that?
  • Do your friends/family even like your partner? – I don’t mean surface wise, sometimes people pretend to like people or are jealous of your relationship and so will give you advice that might purposefully ruin things.
  • Is what you are telling them bias/subjective towards you or are you able to describe a situation from all angles so that they can get a full picture?
  • Are you able to sit down WITH your partner and friends and family to discuss your issues together?
  • Is your partner comfortable with you telling others about your problems or seeking advice from them?

These are questions you should be thinking about with your partner before any issues arise or getting deeper into a relationship because it’s important that you are both comfortable about who you take advice from and tell your problems to.

My advice would be to always try and sit down together with another couple you both trust and can feels safe and open with. That may be your parents, their parents, a couple you are friends with or a relationship counsellor or a couple specialised in couple’s therapy.

Ultimately anything you share with others should be because you are trying to fix things. To share personal information about your partner, without their knowledge or consent, with your friends or family is a big no no. Make sure you know their boundaries, what they are comfortable you sharing with others. Any issues you have between you, ensure you are still presenting your partner in a respectful light and discussing their actions and behaviour as opposed to your own judgments on why you think they have acted that way. Allow for others to form their own opinions based on the FACTS of the situations, not on how they made you feel as that is subjective.

Everyone sometimes needs a sounding board, relationships can be tough and it’s good to have an outsider’s perspective but keep in mind, they often won’t know the exact reasons behind the behaviour and often have only what they’ve been told. Additionally, people have their own judgments so it’s always good to take the advice people give you with a pinch of salt. Finally, be mindful of people who secretly are jealous or hating or don’t like the person you are with. You offloading onto them can give them ammunition to make things worse in such a way that you don’t even see it.

Leave a reply below and let me know what you think…

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