Love Languages and how to show them

*Disclaimer: This is a post I wrote on my other blog so if you’ve already read it over there then that’s why.

We, as humans, are built for relationships, whether it’s romantically, platonically, within the family unit – we are social beings and with that comes relating to one another emotionally. So how do we do that? By finding out the ways in which we and our loved ones, like to feel and experience love.

We are all different, as is the way we receive and give love and so it is so important to understand self and others for a more harmonious relationship. Though we may feel love through a number of these love languages, we usually have a primary one which speaks to us more strongly than the others. It is also important to note that your primary love language in one type of relationship may be different from your primary one in another. For example, your primary love language with family may be Acts of Service, however within a relationship it is Quality time.

Understanding our own and other’s love languages, speaking and showing it often is key to striving towards a more fulfilling relationship creating a better understanding of one another and supporting one another throughout the relationship.

How do we do this? Through learning what our love languages are…

The five love languages, what are they?

Gifts – these are visual tokens of love. Those who appreciate gifts, appreciate the though that goes behind the gift. In other words, what it represents to them and what it means to them. So when choosing a gift, it is important to understand the person behind the gift and if it goes with what they value in life.

Words of Affirmation – These people appreciate being shown love through verbal or written forms of communication. Encouragement, verbal appreciation, and compliments are some ways of giving them that love and it shows them that they are understood, valued and appreciated. ‘Words speak louder than actions!.

Quality Time – those with this primary love language feel most loved when others spend time with them. Providing them with their undivided attention, eye contact and full and active listening and presence, without distractions or other interferences. They usually love to spend this time either having deep and meaningful conversations or doing activities together.

Physical Touch – people with this type of love language feel loved best when they are shown affection in some physical way, be it kissing, cuddling or hand holding. They find comfort in that connection which makes them feel loved and wanted.

Acts of Service – great way to think of this type of love language is, hearing that person say, “Help me.” It is doing things for others to help them in their daily lives, to relieve stress or pressure from them. They appreciate being SHOWN they are loved – ‘actions speak louder than words!’

This is based on the book by Author, Gary Chapman.

Here is the link to a really good test to find out yours and to do with others!

We need to know specific examples of each that people will appreciate. For example, it is no good knowing that your significant other has gifts as their love language. What kind of gifts do they like? Sentimental? Expensive? Useful? Edible? These are examples of the differences within love languages that are important to know.

BUT it goes beyond simply knowing what the five love languages are!….

I will run through some examples I have, but there might be loads more. The best thing to do is to ASK that person! (Also, if you guys have any suggestions or additions that I have missed, please feel free to add them into the comment section below! x)

Gifts: Expensive, Sentimental, Usable, necessary, edible.

Words of Affirmation: Reinforcement (positive & negative), Compliments on aesthetics, compliments on character, compliments on thoughts, uplifting words/phrases, nice things they have done, how you feel towards them/how they make you feel.

Acts of Service: Housework – cleaning, cooking etc. Breakfast in bed, Making a cup of tea, Shopping, support with difficult tasks, driving, doing things for them.

Physical Touch: (Could be affectionate or sexual) Forehead kisses, cuddles, arm strokes, handholding, massages, back rub, foot rub, hair stroking.

Quality Time: Company, Doing activities together – shopping, watching TV, bowling, eating out, cinema, spa. Travelling together. Discussions, talking on the phone, date nights.

If you have any more examples then feel free to leave them in the comments below x

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